Dreamspace or Purgatory?

 Sometimes I wonder if maybe I did something wrong.  Perhaps I made a wrong decision in my life somewhere.  How did I end up in May 2025 living in this nightmare that is this country?  Me and my rhetorical questions never end.  Maybe this is an alternate universe I am living in.  I must have entered another dimension on January 20th inauguration day.  All of America entered some alternate universe and we're stuck in a reality that doesn't belong to us.  

I forewent the private sector, the high-paying salaries, the free lunch and dinner and snacks, the suit and heels, the long hours, and corporate ladder.  Yet only I end up on a Type A team in the federal government.  So much for giving up long hours and being on-call 24-7, ha!  We were truly special.  I was part of a team that worked with purpose, passion, and drive.  We heeded the call the serve and we did it with dedication and sometimes at the expense of our own mental wellness.  Yes, at times, I wanted to leave because of my own ambition but also wanted to stay because I loved the people.  At the end of the day, whatever my problems, I still valued and respected my co-workers and felt like they valued me.  Where else was I going to find that?  

And now, more than a month after receiving notice of my impending layoff, I find myself grieving lost relationships, abrupt endings to unfinished work, and still a desire to serve but no place to do it.