You think you know...
...but you really don't. I thought I had everything figured out for Kent's child care but things have fallen apart. I'm trying to stay optimistic but I really getting frustrated. I've visited a bunch of family child cares and a couple of centers and so far...minimal payoff. I found one family child care provider that I really liked as a person but her physical space for the children seemed small (and cold). I visited three providers today and nothing really felt right. I haven't started looking into nannies yet...don't know if I want to go there yet. I really like the on-site child care at work a lot but I'm still on the waiting list and it doesn't look like a spot will open up by next month when I go back to work. It's been a whole freakin' year! I mean, damn! And my mother-in-law informed us over the holidays that she won't be able to watch the baby for two days of the week. I feel all this pressure to visit and make the right choice for Kent and if it goes to hell, then it's all my fault. I mean, wasn't this my job just 3 years ago? To help parents find child care? And now it's my turn and I can't seem to make things work. Family is trying to be supportive but not really. No one really has any good advice, neither grandma was in the situation I am in currently. They all had friends or family who took care of us. I guess times really are different.
I just want to find a caregiver who will provide good quality care and love for Kent. I want him to grow, get enough naps, learn, and get along well with other kids. I want him to be exposed to other kids but not too many. I also don't want him to cry all day. Is that too much to ask?! I don't want to worry that some 3-year-old is going to poke Kent's eye out or that he's going to be left in a swing/bouncer for 8 hours. I also don't want him to hate me for having to go back to work and leaving him. Why do I have to live in Fremont where no one else lives or knows of any good child care providers? Why?! Why the eff did I do this to myself?!
My tummy hurts today and I think it's because of this stress. I'm trying not to be stressed because it's bad for the baby. I think the chemicals produced from stress can get into the breastmilk or at least maybe Kent can sense it. Whatever. A little part of me wants to call it quits and just stay home with the baby but more of me says I'm crazy because I want to go back to work. That's another thing - my mom has been not-so-subtley trying to convince me to quit work and stay at home. But get this - she's the grandma! She's the the one who's going to be retirement age soon yet she wants to keep working! How backwards is that? And how unsupportive is that? As if I need more "advice" undermining my decisions.
So yeah, February is starting off with craziness. I guess I should get used to it. Isn't this what being a parent is all about?
I just want to find a caregiver who will provide good quality care and love for Kent. I want him to grow, get enough naps, learn, and get along well with other kids. I want him to be exposed to other kids but not too many. I also don't want him to cry all day. Is that too much to ask?! I don't want to worry that some 3-year-old is going to poke Kent's eye out or that he's going to be left in a swing/bouncer for 8 hours. I also don't want him to hate me for having to go back to work and leaving him. Why do I have to live in Fremont where no one else lives or knows of any good child care providers? Why?! Why the eff did I do this to myself?!
My tummy hurts today and I think it's because of this stress. I'm trying not to be stressed because it's bad for the baby. I think the chemicals produced from stress can get into the breastmilk or at least maybe Kent can sense it. Whatever. A little part of me wants to call it quits and just stay home with the baby but more of me says I'm crazy because I want to go back to work. That's another thing - my mom has been not-so-subtley trying to convince me to quit work and stay at home. But get this - she's the grandma! She's the the one who's going to be retirement age soon yet she wants to keep working! How backwards is that? And how unsupportive is that? As if I need more "advice" undermining my decisions.
So yeah, February is starting off with craziness. I guess I should get used to it. Isn't this what being a parent is all about?
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